Rock Awkwardly

So I’ve had a lot of food service jobs. Fast food, waiting tables, coffee shop experience, even Amusement park food service. Until now my experience there had taken the cake, or french fry in my case. But it has happened. I have met the worlds worst customer(s). 

It started innocently enough. I was standing at the counter and he and his friend walk into the store. As always I greeted them by saying, “Hello can I help you with anything?” I say this to pretty much everyone who walks into the bakery. Post man, woman, small child. I am there for help. So naturally the douche bag practically sprints past me as he sneers, “Well we’re here to eat aren’t we?” For reference think of the rudest way you could possibly speak and the most high and mighty look you could give someone and times that by 18 and you’ll understand how I was spoken to today.

For those who don’t know, the bakery I work at does many things, we do specialty cakes, bakery items, coffee drinks, and a lunch/dinner service most afternoons and some evenings during the week. We do not provide table service however. And as the fellow and his friend smirk and find themselves a seat I walk to the back where Bruce and my coworker, Gaby, are and pronouce, “What a fucking douche bag!” And then explain the whole situation. Moments later the “friend” comes up to the counter to apologize to me and my coworker for his friend’s behavior, but the damage has been done. I ain’t going out of my way for this bastard or his sniveling friend. 

For some reason instead of ordering the guys spends the next ten minutes adjusting one of his 3 pairs of pants and using the door to our coke case as a mirror. Instead of, oh I don’t know GOING TO THE FUCKING RESTROOM TO DO SO!

So they order some pizza while I’m in the back using the restroom and trying to not murder anyone. Apparently the rude customer said something that Gaby couldn’t hear and she asked him to repeat himself as it does tend to be rather loud in the store. He proceeded to mock her and ask if she was deaf. Around this time Bruce steps out from the back to make sure no more scenes are caused and the guy points and says, “Hey look it’s Mario! Where’s Luigi?” Now if he weren’t such a douche, this would have been funny, cuz Bruce tends to look like Mario in his uniform. But the way this guys speaks to people, it’s just belittling and not as funny as his friend found it. 

So they get food, we get more customers and we just having to put up with listening to their loud ass mouths for a little bit while they begin to MAKE FUN OF AN ELDERLY MAN. A while the later annoying friend comes up to the counter and I assume he wants something, but he only wants to warn my coworker and I that if they see any white powder on the table it’s not cocaine it’s only parmigiana cheese. Do you know what Parm looks like? Have you felt it’s texture? Nothing like that of cocaine, which would be more like our powdered sugar. Gaby said to him, “That’s not funny. You’re not being funny.” And he then tried to argue with her about how she needs to relax and take it easy. At this point they both have been disturbing business to the point where we’re beginning to wonder if maybe this is a hidden camera show and we’re supposed to be getting word soon that this was all a silly stunt. 

THIS IS THE INTERESTING PART. So annoying friend returns to the front once more for something I’ve now forgotten. He then proceeds to tell me I have nice hair, (it’s freshly purple again), but that I would look better with red, etc etc. The man is hitting on me. After all this shit, he’s gonna hit on me and expect me to reciprocate in any way????? No. I went back to the back and found Bruce, who had been standing the window watching and all he says is, “Really dude?” This was the part where we all just started laughing. 

The worst bit of it is however is that apparently this duo had an enjoyable time at our little bakery/restaurant. And assured us on their way out that “We will be back!”

When that day comes…. Lord help us all.